Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
