You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
