went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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