Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
