I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
