Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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