We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will be naked everywhere
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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