I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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