When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
