oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
