So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
