you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
