My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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