Duck Duck Cougar?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
