Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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