I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
