capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
