I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
