I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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