I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
