There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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