i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize