walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
