he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to sanitize my soul.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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