my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Acid is not a monday night drug
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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