Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
