Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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