I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Holy shit dude........stairs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
