and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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