IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize