found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
