Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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