We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
