The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
