There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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