Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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