Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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