Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
