Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
