Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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