Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
