Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
