Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
