just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
