normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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