So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
that may or may not have been my penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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