She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
