If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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