my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
