so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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