Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
