i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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