Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize