alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
