Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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