my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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