Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
