my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize