Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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