Sponge bath it is.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
