actually, I'm a sock model
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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