Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
