i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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