In the future we'll all be gay
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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