she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
