I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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