Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
