im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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