So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
